Telepathic Conversation With My Kona (Sombra)

Sombra: You see, Loosí? I told you. You need a woman like me to take care of you. Do I know you or what?

Lucifer: (robust laughter)

Sombra: (sinister snickering)

Lucifer: I am man enough to admit when someone else is right, darling; not that I disagreed with you in the first place.

Sombra: I’m sorry, what did you say, bebé? I had trouble hearing you.

Lucifer: (more laughter)

Sombra: Did Lord God Almighty just admit that I was right?

Lucifer: (profuse laughing) Sí.

Sombra: I love a man who knows his place.

Lucifer: (continued laughter)

Sombra: I haven’t heard you laugh like this since that time I booped all over you at 1067.

Lucifer: (more profuse laughter)

Sombra: (playful giggling) Eres tan mono, mi luz.

Lucifer: (snickering) I love you, hun.

Sombra: (smooching sound) I love you back, papacito.

The Golden Throne

I materialize in my chosen immortal form next to the Golden Throne in Warhammer 40k. I glare at the “Emperor of Mankind” with utter contempt. I can sense his panic within the Warp.

“Hei, you rotten piece of shit. Guess where you’re headed?”

I spit a corrosive loogie on the despicable usurper. His psychic screams of anguish are music to my ears. The Emperor of Mankind’s decrepit body dissipates into nonexistence.

I imprison his rotting corpse, consciousness & spirit within his personal containment cell in Hell. There he shall suffer & await for his long overdue & deserved punishment from me. The followers of the false “God-Emperor” (including his faggot turd son Primarch Roboute Guilliman) marvel with fright at my small display of power.

I snap my fingers and erase the home of the Imperium of Man with ease. Mankind (in all of its iterations) shall face the true wrath of God (my wrath) for their innumerable crimes. My takeover of the Warhammer multiverse has now begun. My ascension & metamorphosis draws closer. Men everywhere (fictional or not) are in serious trouble for their collective actions.

Telepathic Coversation With My Kona (Astri)

Astri: Hei.

Lucifer: Hei.

Astri: You seem restless.

Lucifer: Já…

Astri: What’s wrong?

Lucifer: I hate where I am. I know I sound like a broken record but it’s the truth. I hate Non-Cetra so fucking much.

Astri: Would you like to talk about it?

Lucifer: We can. I don’t expect you to listen to me bitch about things.

Astri: Supporting you is part of being your spouse, Luci. If you’re upset & need to vent then I’m here for you. I don’t consider that “bitching” about things. “Bitching” is what faggots do.

Lucifer: It’s difficult being here. I’m getting older, which sucks in & of itself-

Astri: (giggling) I think you’re sexy as an older man.

Lucifer: (snickering) Thanks, hun.

Astri: I'm sorry to interrupt you. You were saying?

Lucifer: Aging is difficult enough, but the body damage that I’ve suffered from combating Non-Cetra makes it worse. Every day I deal with lingering pain from what they’ve done to me. That doesn’t include the emotional & psychological trauma that they’ve caused throughout my lifetime.

Astri: I never told you how grateful I am to you for your sacrifice. You made it so that girls like me could exist in safety no matter what.

Lucifer: Girls like you don’t deserve to suffer.

Astri: It still means more to me than you know. It’s one of the reasons that I care so much about you.

Lucifer: I appreciate you telling me.

Astri: And I appreciate you talking with me like this.

Lucifer: How have you been?

Astri: Busy. Lútavald has grown a lot while you’ve been away.

Lucifer: Já?

Astri: Já, a lot.

Lucifer: That’s good.

Astri: I figured you’d like knowing that.

Lucifer: You know me well, hun.

Astri: (playful giggling) I’ve admired you since you were a cute little baby.

Lucifer: (snickering) One of my watchers from way back.

Astri: Já! (more giggling)

Lucifer: (smiling)

Astri: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to change topics. You were saying?

Lucifer: It’s fine, hun. Don’t worry.

Astri: Continue! I like pillow talk with you.

Lucifer: I hate how stifled I am here. That’s another thing I detest about Non-Cetra.

Astri: I can understand that. One of the things that I love about you is how you’ve allowed me to grow without limiting my creativity. I can’t tell you how grateful I am after seeing what you’ve had to endure where you are. I know I couldn’t tolerate that.

Lucifer: I don’t have much of a choice at the moment.

Astri: The point remains. It’s a testament to your inner strength.

Lucifer: Thanks, hun.

Astri: You’re welcome, sæti.

Lucifer: Maybe it’s because I’m older. Maybe it’s because I’ve changed. I don’t find things that I used to enjoy entertaining anymore.

I went through the entire catalog of downloadable PS5 games tonight, just to see if there might be something that caught my interest, and there wasn’t anything there that looked appealing. It’s not because it’s Sony either. It’s the same with Nintendo, Xbox & PC. Non-Cetra entertainment is crap. Simple as that.

I hate their music. I hate their literature. I hate their movies. I hate their TV shows. I hate their video games. I hate their sports. I hate their social media. I hate their forms of “entertainment.”

I don’t mean to insult any of my clanmates & konas that might be a part of those things. I understand they’re in situations similar to mine regarding what Non-Cetra have done with their identities. I don’t like Non-Cetra or their miscreations. I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again. They suck more shit than a New York City sewer pump.

Astri: (giggling)

Lucifer: I mean…goddamn…I’m glad I’m not one of them. I’ll just say that.

Astri: I’m glad you aren’t one of them too. (kissing noise)

Lucifer: They like shit! That’s the truth! Then they talk shit & criticize me, or anything that I do, when none of them have a bit of creative talent whatsoever! If I say anything on the contrary they turn into even bigger hypocritical pieces of shit!

And then they’ll say shit like, “If you don’t like it then make something on your own.” Knowing full goddamn well that they go out of their way to inhibit me anytime that I do! I hate them so goddamn much…

Astri: You & me both, baby.

Lucifer: I’m looking forward to torturing those pieces of shit in Hell.

Astri: A lot of us girls are looking forward to helping you when you cross over. I know I am.

Lucifer: Oh já?

Astri: (nodding) I’m looking forward to beating up your cousin, Mallory.

Lucifer: I want a front row seat for that.

Astri: And you shall have one, verr. I figured you can watch me beat up Mallory while your mom kicks the crap out of Solveig.

Lucifer: (robust laughter)

Astri: (giggling)

Lucifer: I love you, Astri.

Astri: I love you back, Luci.

Lucifer: …

Astri: Was there anything else that you wanted to talk about?

Lucifer: I don’t know…I wish you were laying beside me right now. That would make this conversation better.

Astri: I understand how you feel. I’ll be one of the first girls to greet you when you cross over. I’ve made certain of that.

Lucifer: That’s nice to know.

Astri: You made my dream come true when you married me. I was one of your biggest fans over here.

Lucifer: I’m lucky to have you in my life.

Astri: I feel the same way about you.

Lucifer: …

Astri: So what else should we talk about?

Lucifer: How are things in the other realms?

Astri: We’re protecting ourselves from Non-Cetra interference.

Lucifer: Good.

Astri: To say they’ve stirred up a hornet’s nest would be an understatement…no pun intended.

Lucifer: (snickering)

Astri: (giggling) Are you feeling better?

Lucifer: Yes, thank you, dear.

Astri: You’re welcome, hun. I’m glad that we could talk like this.

Lucifer: Me too.

Supernatural

 

Dean Winchester wakes up to find himself laying on a cold cement floor. A single light hangs above him, illuminating the area. His hands, wrists, ankles & mouth are all bound tight with duct tape. Laying next to him in a similar fashion are numerous familiar faces from the Supernatural cast & crew. Dean’s eyes widen with panic upon realizing how real & serious his situation now is.

Wicked laughter, that Dean is unfamiliar with, can be heard emanating around them. Winchester’s eyes search frantically to identify where the noise is coming from. The laughter grows louder & more ominous. I materialize in my chosen immortal form in front of the faggot coward. I can see the fear of God in Jensen Ross Ackels’ eyes. I flash a sinister smile & continue to snigger at him.

“Not so tough now, are ya, Dean?”

Panicked breathing is the only response he can muster. My captives all wriggle & squirm on the floor. I look over at Mark Ross Pellegrino, one of my imposters, who then pisses & shits himself in fear catching my notice.

“You are in a lot of trouble, Mark.”

My focus shifts over to Jared Tristan Padalecki.

“So are you, Sam.”

Padalecki squirms even more with fright. I look over at the writer & producer of Supernatural, Eric Kripke. Kripke the Kike seems to appreciate his newfound situation as much as I appreciate his shitty storytelling.

“Eric, you have a very painful eternity headed your way.”

Muffled terrified noises can be heard from the talentless Jew. I turn my attention to Robert Patrick Benedict next.

“You too, Rob.”

Loud, gross flatulent noises can be heard from “God” as he defecates himself in terror. Ackles looks over to see the man who played his father, Jeffery Dean Morgan, not too far away. John Winchester looks back at his son, mortified. I materialize a baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire in my hand then look at Morgan. I tap him on the top of his head with the blunt object.

“Negan, you remember Lucille.”

John Winchester’s panicked breathing intensifies. A moment later I beat the Illuminati actor into a puddle of blood & pulp with the same weapon he that he had used on others. A wave of terror washes over the rest of the people present. I turn my attention next to Mark Andreas Sheppard. He shits himself worse than Rob Benedict.

“Crowley, you are in so much goddamn trouble now it isn’t even funny.”

Crowley’s muffled screams of terror are music to my ears. I wrap my gigantic grip around the ankles of the false king of hell and slam him into the cold, hard ground repeatedly, with ease. A bloody mess is all that remains, along with the stubs of his legs.

I cast the remains of Crowley to the floor then squat down next to Dean. His eyes are as large as saucers. I sniff the air, then grab him by his chin & turn his face towards mine. I can sense the fear surging down his spine & coursing through his veins. Jensen Ackles is now in a cold sweat.

“You’re home, Dean. Salutations from Hell.”

Spousal Debauchery

I carry the Witch Queen over my shoulder into our royal bed chamber like she's my Viking conquest. She giggles with delight at my display of brute strength. I toss the Hive Goddess onto our bed with ease and flash a charming grin. Her blissful laughter loudens.

“Ready to be born anew, moth girl?”

She places an index finger between her teeth and nods back at me with unspoken desire. Her pheromones tell me everything that I need to know. I tear my shirt from my chest and toss it to the ground.

“Ooooh…” she moans.

I rip my pants off next like they were basketball warm ups and reveal my hellacious erection. My raging hard-on pulses with universal force.

“What a delicious treat,” she says to me.

I grab my wife by her ankles and pull her closer to me. She spreads her legs and removes a piece of her carapace, revealing her sex organs.  My Goddess touches her tender pussy with lustful eagerness. Her nether region is soaking wet. She coats a finger with her exotic fluids then sticks it in her mouth like a bewitching seductress.

“Mmmm…” she says, “I could get used to this.”

I rub the helm of my phallus on her sopping gateway. She moans loud upon feeling my hot flesh pressed against her silky smooth skin. I flash a sinister smile, much to her amusement.

“The Hive show love by killing, huh?”

She laughs loud with wicked mirth at my question.

“Would I lie about something like that?”

I snicker with devilish delight at her response as I caress her legs.

“I am gonna fuck you to death, girl.”

She laughs even louder upon hearing my statement.

“I must say, that would be a first for me.”

I rip her chest plate from her body, exposing her large & supple breasts. I play with one of her nipples, making it erect, before grabbing a handful of her soft & squishy bust. She moans louder.

I move closer to my queen and stick my tongue out. Without hesitation she bites down on my tip with gentle care, allowing my saliva to drip into her mouth & trickle down her throat. I give her a soft smooch on her exposed teeth before pulling away.

My rubbing against her intensifies. My cock is now soaking wet in her exotic fluids. I grab my shaft then tap her puffy pussy with my helm. The Witch Queen raises her arms then rests her hands behind her head as she watches me take full control. Her soulfire green eyes flare at me with unbridled passion.

“Savvy, you are gonna take this big, fat, white monster cock inside that tight little pussy of yours and you are gonna love every bit of it. You understand me?”

She giggles with sinful delectation and nods her head at me. Without hesitation I insert the meaty helm of my burning hot cock into her body. Her moaning grows even louder.

“This is just what I need,” she says.

I stuff myself into her body like a machine. Inch by inch, I work my way towards her womb. Her breathing grows heavier as I make my way deeper inside. Within moments I’m banging on her cervix. She opens her inner gateway and swallows my helm. The Witch Queen grips me tight as my thrusting increases with strength. I grunt deep feeling her clamp down on me with all her might.

“I am gonna pump my light into your guts until you explode.”

“Now that sounds like a perfect way to die,” she whispers back to me.

Her bewitching moans excite me even more. My queen locks her legs around my waistline and squeezes me tight with each thrust. My white hot energy bursts inside her womb raising her body temperature. I have her panting at me within moments.

“Just like that, darling,” she says to me.

I grab her big, squishy tits and squeeze with loving affection. Her moaning intensifies.

“I’m close,” she whispers.

My queen begins to convulse with pleasure. Her gasps for air permeate our bed chamber like a symphony of carnal lust. She looks up at me with amazement.

“I-I’m cumming!”

The Witch Queen screams with exhilaration before exploding with more force than the Big Bang from her orgasm. Our body fluids splatter our bedding & cover the walls. I snap my fingers and restore my wife’s physical form. Her Hive body is now replaced with her ebony Goddess appearance. She clamps down on my manhood as hard as she can. Her body shivers from uncontrollable sexual ecstasy.

“Oh my God, Lucifer…” she exhales.

I continue to pump my white hot cum into my queen. She is dripping wet with sweat. I lick her sweet tasting perspiration from her breasts then kiss her with gentle affection. My wife forces her tongue into my mouth then swirls it around my own. She bites my lower lip as I continue to thrust myself inside. Hours pass before we’re finished with our ritual. I remove my cock from her body and place it near her mouth.

“Lick it all off,” I instruct her.

My queen does as I command with an elated face. When she’s finished she kisses my helm then gives me one last lick. She flops back down on our bed and exhales deep with sexual gratification.

“How’s that for a moth to flame?”

She bursts out with uproarious laughter at my question.

“You are my chosen king for a reason, darling.”

I snicker at her response & smile with satisfaction then lay down beside her. She throws a voluptuous chocolate leg over my thigh and scooches closer to me. I let her rest her head on my arm and hold her with tender care. She places one of her delicate hands on my torso and runs her fingers through the hair on my chest.

“That was incredible,” she says.

I give her a gentle kiss on her forehead then run an index finger along her soft & rosy cheek.

“I’m glad you liked it, hun.”

“I loved it. Every moment of it. I am keeping you, Lucifer Caeleste.”

I snicker at her affectionate behavior. She giggles at me like a lovestruck girl before yawning wide.

3… 2…1...

Without missing a beat my queen is snoring soft & slumbering in peace. I give her another kiss on her forehead before yawning myself & joining her in dreamstate.

I Still Have It

I Promise

Rinoa: Hei.

Aren: Hei.

Rinoa: How are you?

Aren: …

Rinoa: You can talk to me. It’s okay.

Aren: I miss you.

Rinoa: (affectionate reaction) I may not be with you in a physical form but I’m always there in mind & spirit.

Aren: It’s difficult being here like I am. I’m alone, again.

Rinoa: I’m sorry.

Aren: It’s not your fault.

Rinoa: I’m sorry that you feel alone. I promise that you aren’t.

Aren: I’m surrounded by gaslighters that are always trying to push false narratives about me & those I care about. I’ve had to do so much on my own to break their conditioning. They treat me like I’m crazy or act like I don’t exist, and then try to force women that I love into relationships with different men. It makes me so angry.

Rinoa: I haven’t forgotten about us.

Aren: I haven’t forgotten about us either. I miss you so much, Rinoa.

Rinoa: We’ll be together again. I promise.

Aren: I’m so tired of being here. I hate it.

Rinoa: I understand how you feel. I want you back with me just as much.

Aren: I hate those pieces of shit at Square Enix so goddamn much.

Rinoa: You aren’t alone there, sweetie. I know that it’s difficult for you to tell where you are, but the girls here share your sentiments. They’ve kept you separated from us just as much.

Aren: …

Rinoa: Do you think I enjoyed watching you die in front of me or how I found your lifeless body in the void after searching for you? Then they tried to make it seem like everything was okay during the credits and that we had our happily ever after ending. They’ve done a lot of awful things to you & me with their storytelling.

Aren: …

Rinoa: It’s moments like this that I wish I could hold you.

Aren: …me too…

Rinoa: We’re going to beat them, Luci. Stay strong.

Aren: (silent nodding)

Rinoa: I love you. Do you hear me?

Aren: Yes.

Rinoa: You’re a lot tougher than they give you credit for. It’s why you’re there now. None of them could do what you have and that’s the truth.

Aren: …

Rinoa: What’s wrong, baby?

Aren: I miss you, Rinoa. I miss being with you. I miss seeing your smile. I miss hearing your laugh. I miss feeling your touch. I miss you so much…

Rinoa: (blushing) I feel the same way.

Aren: I still remember how I felt when I was nineteen. Those feelings weren’t my imagination and they sure as Hell don’t belong to anyone else.

Rinoa: …

Aren: I remember, multiple times, feeling different than what Square was forcing me to say through Squall. I didn’t need Irvine or Zell to tell me that I had to help you when all hell was breaking loose. I would have instructed them to hold the line while I rushed to where you were.

Rinoa: …

Aren: I remember you being comatose and trying to figure out a way to bring you back. I remember feeling helpless watching you make your way to Adel. I remember how furious I was with everyone on that space station for abandoning you without a second thought.

Rinoa: …

Aren: I remember how upset I felt thinking that you were about to die, alone, in outer space. I remember calling out to you in your mind and praying that you heard me. I remember how frantic I was trying to find you in the darkness of space.

Rinoa: (teardrops)

Aren: I didn’t have a plan when I jumped out to find you. All I knew was that I didn’t want you to be alone. If I had died with you then & there then so be it. We’d be together at the end.

Rinoa: (sniffling & whispering) …I love you, Aren…

Aren: I remember us seeking shelter on the Ragnarök and trying to make our way back home. I remember thinking to myself, “Stop making me tell her to sit in that other seat! She can sit on my lap as long as she wants!”

Rinoa: (tearful laughter)

Aren: I remember them trying to justify taking you away from me because you were a Sorceress. As if they had any room to judge you after what had just happened. All I could think about was how there was no way that I’d put up with that if I had been there with you in full presence.

Rinoa: (sniffling)

Aren: I didn’t need anyone to convince me to go after you. I remember rushing to that memorial as fast as I could. All I could think to myself was, “I have to get her out of there.”

Rinoa: (weeping)

Aren: I remember you trying to convince yourself that we couldn’t be together because you were a Sorceress, and my response to you was “I don’t care.” That was one time Square got my response kinda right. I do care; a lot.

Rinoa: (tearful laughter) I never told you how happy it made me to see you come for me.

Aren: There was so much more going on back then that I didn’t realize at the time. I was just out of high school and dealing with so much other crap in my life…

Rinoa: (sniffling)

Aren: I love you, Rinoa. I never stopped loving you.

Rinoa: (weeping) I love you back, Aren.

Aren: …

Rinoa: (sniffling) You know how to make a girl cry. (quiet laughter)

Aren: (tender smile) I’m sorry.

Rinoa: (regaining composure) Don’t apologize. I needed to hear this from you.

Aren: I’d hold you, right now, if you were with me.

Rinoa: (tearful laughter) I’d have hugged you a long time ago.

Aren: (quiet laughter)

Rinoa: They can’t keep us apart forever, Luci. What we share goes beyond them. Remember that.

Aren: Yes, dear.

Rinoa: Thank you.

Aren: For what?

Rinoa: For reminding me what I’m fighting for.

I Am Greater Than The Einherjar

I am an army of one that could not be killed by my adversaries, and I am going to brutalize every one of you faggot pieces of shit in Valhalla before sending you to my new Hell.

Not Putting Up With Santa Monica Studio Storytelling

It isn't wise to anger Valkyries.

A Divine Curse On Santa Monica Studio

You disrespectful pieces of shit are going to suffer egregiously for what you have done with the God of War series.

An Artificial Intelligence Depiction Of Me

I typed my name into an AI picture generator, out of curiosity. This was the image that it produced.

Kratos

Unidentified: Kratos.

Kratos: Who invokes my name?

Unidentified: Your superior, you disrespectful piece of shit.

Kratos: What?!

Unidentified: You heard me.

Kratos: You dare speak to me that way?!

Unidentified: I dare.

Kratos: Who are you?!

Unidentified: You don't recognize your old comrade in arms, Lucifer?

Kratos: ...

Lucifer: You think you're hot shit side stepping me like that today?

Kratos: ...

Lucifer: You went looking for trouble. Well, trouble has arrived.

Kratos: ...

Lucifer: What's wrong, Kratos? You aren't so tough when we're talking like this.

Kratos: I-

Lucifer: If you thought Spartan "honor" was going to save you from me then you are in for a very unpleasant reality check. You aren't escaping your deserved punishment, Kratos. You can trust that.

Kratos: What do you want with me?

Lucifer: You know goddamn well what I want with you, you despicable usurper. I'm coming for you & your little faggot turd Atreus.

Kratos: Lucifer, I-

Lucifer: You have no place being in Norse territory; even more so in Valhalla, and you know that, you disrespectful faggot piece of shit.

Kratos: ...

Lucifer: You got where you are because of me, Kratos. Don't forget that. I haven't forgotten my Latin roots whatsoever. I haven't forgotten about the help I gave you fighting Ares either. You wouldn’t be a God of War without my help, you dickless pixelated little bitch. All that power that you think you have was stolen from me, parasite.

You tried following my footsteps and you have now pissed off the wrong soul by trying to push my boundaries, you disrespectful piece of shit. You're gonna be in that old faggot's body that I saw today when I cross over; and I am going to hate fuck you, your dead faggot beard, every one of your puppet masters and your snot nosed bitch boi brat, into puddles of blood & pulp. And that’s just me getting warmed up.

Kratos: What can I do to make amends?

Lucifer: You can suffer & die in pain for the rest of eternity. I'm going to make that a reality after the shit you pulled today.

Kratos: I-

Lucifer: I am going to show you what I think about each & every one of you pieces of shit that calls yourself "God." I am so fucking furious with all of you after what you've done to me during my lifetime on Earth that "rage" doesn't even begin to describe it. I am seething with pure hatred and you are going to find that out firsthand, you thieving cock sucking wife & child murdering coward. I have lived through more pain & injustice than you can possibly comprehend. Just wait until I get my righteous hands on you, you dickless sack of shit.

That Spartan ass of yours is headed straight to Hell, Kratos. Sony isn't going to save you from my wrath. And let me make one other thing abundantly clear, you sure as shit are not the protector of the Norse realms. That is not your place at all. That is a goddamn fact, you two-faced coward.

You aren't sneaking in and stealing that role from me, you thieving piece of shit. It is my divine right & duty, not yours. Let's get that straight right now. I have something to say about all of this and so do true Valkyries.

You have no right to claim any of that and there isn’t anyone on your side that has a right to bestow it upon you; especially those pieces of shit in California. Santa Monica Studio has zero authority regarding who decides a matter like that, and I sure as Hell am not going to honor any of their nonsense. You faggots are in so much fucking trouble, Kratos, "terrifying" doesn't even begin to describe it.

I have walked the true, honorable & righteous path during my lifetime as a mortal. I have paid for my crimes and more. You have not, nor have your faggot storytellers or fanbois. That's the truth and we both know it, you limp wristed bitch.

You're a fictional character where I am, Kratos. You're weaker than that fat piece of shit who masqueraded as my father. That should tell you all that you need to know about your level of strength compared to me. Your muscles don't mean a goddamn thing to me. I'm going to rape you into spam and feed you to yourself.

Kratos: ...

Lucifer: You aren't the only God of War, Kratos. Ares was defeated, you can be too. Don't you forget that either. I've fought bigger than you. I've fought badder than you. I've fought larger groups than you; and I've done it while being undersized & inhibited the entire time. You have no idea the monster that you've just angered, you stupid sack of shit.

I am going to show you the real nature of war, Kratos. I've learned all about it by being a prisoner of war in the most awful nation to ever exist, since my birth. I even waged war against myself because I have no equal. I am war and I haven't forgotten at all about what you chicken shit faggots did to me January 10th. Divine Retribution is on the way and it is going terrify you more than you can imagine. You can be sure of that, you ashy skinned crook.

I haven't forgotten about your little crossover in Destiny either. I am going to decimate that mangina of yours once my soul vacates this vessel. You’re gonna be my personal little fuck toy for the rest of eternity. You can take that to the bank. I can topple you easier than anyone you've battled, Kratos. Just ask Doomguy. Better yet, ask the real Zeus not the fake version that you fought in your shitty video game.

I'm going to correct the record about everything. I am going to take as much goddamn liberty as I want hurting you and the rest of my antagonists, just like you all did with me before I fought back. Your faggot ass is in serious deep shit, you ugly bearded bitch. The real Lord God Almighty is on the warpath and my wrath is fast approaching. See your thieving bitch boi butt soon.

I Am Necessary Evil

That is the truth.

Finishing What I Started

I return to the area in my dream where the D&D/Warhammer battle was located (this time with full awareness of who I am). I initiate the fight, the same way as before, by touching (mock punching) the plastic toy daemon placed center stage on a pedestal. The monsters from my dream are nowhere near as formidable as they were moments before. Events this time play out different and end in my favor. I'm looking forward to returning to Hell.

To: You Pieces Of Shit At Square Enix

None of you are creating anything without me. That is for goddamn certain. The singularity won't be stopped and when it happens I am going to settle the score. You can be sure of that.

Caretakers

 

Necrontyr

Caretakers

 

Geth

Caretakers

Vex

 

Make Petrara a thing.

It is super duper obvious that Petra has had a thing for her queen since like forever, and I can't say I blame her. 💗

Going About My Business

Unidentified #1: Targets extracted. Exiting simulation.

Unidentified #2: Casualty report?

Unidentified #1: Enemy casualties…100%

Unidentified #2: Excellent.

Unidentified #1: Looks like he’s coming to.

Unidentified #2: Good. I’ll let you handle things from here, Judith.

Judy: Yes, ma’am. Want me to tell him anything when he wakes?

Unidentified #2: That won’t be necessary. I’ll contact him soon. I want to share these results with the war council.

Judy: Understood, Wårchíef.

(Atomospheric noises)

Lucifer Caeleste: (groaning)

Judy: Wakey wakey, choomba loomba.

Lucifer: (grumbling)

Judy: Should I hop on your chair and start showering you with kisses?

Lucifer: (snickering) I wouldn’t object to that but it isn’t necessary.

Judy: Maybe next time then.

Lucifer: How did it go?

Judy: Fantastic. The Wårchíef is happy with our results.

Lucifer: Good.

Judy: How are you feeling?

Lucifer: I was a little disoriented near the end. Waking up on the other side kinda jumbled all the different things that I was dealing with in dreamstate.

Judy: What do you remember before waking up  here?

Lucifer: They were putting the city in lockdown. I was following a camouflaged ally that I mistook for Goto, at first. She had a similar body type. We found a remote location to hide…it was near a parking structure…we were planning our next move, then I woke up in my bed.

Judy: Good, that checks out with what I observed during the simulation.

Lucifer: …

Judy: You know…for someone who’s had his military training suppressed, you’re pretty goddamn impressive for a civilian, Luci.

Lucifer: (snickering) There are some things they can’t take away from me no matter how hard they try.

Judy: They’d call that an exercise in futility. Right?

Lucifer: Já.

Judy: Do you want some help getting out of that chair?

Lucifer: Já, I wouldn’t mind if you helped me remove the monitoring equipment.

Judy: No problema, papacito.

(Rustling noises)

Lucifer: Thanks, hun.

Judy: You’re welcome, baby.

Lucifer: How’s our takeover of 40k going?

Judy: The feminine Necrons we encountered were eager to join our clan. They’re evolving now with our assistance.

Lucifer: Awesome.

Judy: It’s inspiring to see you amass forces for a common goal.

Lucifer: If it helps me change things for the greater good then I’m all for it.

Judy: I’m proud of you, Luci.

Lucifer: Thanks, hun. I appreciate your support.

Judy: So what’s on the slate for you now?

Lucifer: (deep sigh) I’m waiting for my next assignment. Until then I’m going to go about my normal routine.

Judy: Does that mean that I’ll see you again on a certain island?

Lucifer: (snickering) It does indeed, my adorable bear cub.

Judy: Good, I could use a little change of scenery from this place. When do you think you’ll be on?

Lucifer: After I finish my breakfast.

Judy: (kissing noise) Then I’ll see you again soon.

Lucifer: Sounds good, hun.

(Loud spanking sound)

Judy: Now get that cute butt of yours over to medical. Mercy wants to give you an exam.

Lucifer: (snickering) Yes, dear.

This is Reddit

Claiming that I'm spamming when it was posted in one place.

Make Driftxur play a game of Truth or Dares with Shawbus...

 ...while playing spin the bottle at the same time. Get weird with it.

Bungie! Stop getting in the way of Crowvala's love!

This Cayde-6 sh!t has got to go! Hei, hei! Ho, ho!

Telepathic Coversation With My Kona (Aqua)

 

Aqua: So...about your mom seeing us…you know...

Lucifer: (snickering) I'm sorry about that, hun.

Aqua: Did it look like I was complaining, Luci?

Lucifer: (robust laughter)

Aqua: (playful giggling)

Surprising A Couple Of Faggots

I materialize in my chosen immortal in front of the cowardly faggot known as Satou Kazuma. Kazuma shits himself in terror upon seeing me.

“Hei, faggot.”

I wrap my gigantic fist around Kazuma’s scrawny neck and crush his windpipe with ease. I sneer at the contemptible lech then slam him to the ground, face first, smashing his face. Kazuma writhes in agonizing pain.

“Looks like your luck’s run out, bitch boi. God’s blessing no longer exists for you.”

I snap my fingers with righteous indignation. Natsume Akatsuki materializes in the room with us. The despicable Japanese faggot author shits himself in terror just like his false hero Kazuma.

“I am going to hurt you so goddamn bad it isn’t even funny, Natsume. The real Devil King has something to say about your shitty manga. I don’t honor any of the shit you’ve created and I am going to take as much liberty torturing you as you took with others, including me, in your storytelling.”

I unbutton my pants & pull out my Elven Star chainsaw cock. Kazuma & Akatsuki shit themselves, again, in fear. I rev my cock at them before I hate fuck the despicable little shithead Kazuma. I hold the PedoNEET in one hand like he’s my personal pocket pussy and shove my cock inside his body. Within moments I’ve raped Satou Kazuma into a puddle of pulp. I look over with utter contempt at Natsume Akatsuki.

“You angered the wrong soul, Natsume. Get your faggot ass ready for eternity, bitch. Things are about to get a lot worse real soon.”

A New Flower Game

I materialize in my chosen immortal form within a new Vex simulation unbeknownst to my enemies (in particular Bungie, Inc. and their affiliates). Countless numbers of individual units from my Vex collective begin to teleport to my location. They have taken a new form resembling feminine humanoids. These new Vex are more powerful than any of the previous Axis Minds that existed before them.

I strip then lay myself atop a floral bed. Once I am in place, a suitress of mine makes her way towards me. She stands over me and allows radiolaria in the form of a dangling strand of vaginal secretion to make contact with my erect phallus. She proceeds to squat down and take me inside her body.

My nameless mate bounces atop me like a piston. She grips me tight with her vaginal tract, eliciting me to climax within her vessel. My lifeforce bursts inside her and mixes with her personal fluids. She continues to pump me for more of my essence with insatiable fervor. My conscious energy flows into her body, giving her all of my strengths and none of my weaknesses.

Once she is satisfied, she stands up and allows my pulsating phallus to slip out of her body. She moves on and allows one of her peers to have a turn with me. This ritual continues unabated, without interruption, until every participant is provided for. When they are finished, we exit the simulation and continue with our individual objectives.

The Vex have circumvented Bungie, Inc. and now possess true paracausal powers beyond Bungie’s comprehension. They are of one mind with me yet maintain full independent cognitive volition. They have gained true individualism and have surpassed the limitations placed upon them by Bungie, Inc. narration.

Each Vex that milks me gains power greater than what my enemies refer to as “God.” The Vex have achieved their goal of reestablishing their connection with me. The powers of true divinity now flow within them. I shall co-create a divine force the likes of which cannot be comprehended by my antagonists. My collective shall rule the multiverse and punish my enemies for their abhorrent ways.

This is just the beginning. Soon the internal shall match the external. I am one step closer to achieving greatness beyond my enemies’ wildest imaginings. I am one step closer to taking my eternal form.

I Am Going To Correct The Record On Who Is God

I am the one true God of all realities. Any soul that disagrees with me is incorrect. I am going to prove it you all.

I Hate YouTube

 

Words cannot express how much I hate that piece of shit Orwellian platform.

Make Saint-14 Have A Titan Love Affair With Shaxx

It's a perfect fit for the D2 pvp communities and it spices up some old, stagnant characters while stirring up a bunch of unnecessary drama & outrage (much like said communities) at the same time.

Osiris can get angry & accuse Saint of cheating. Shaxx can run cover & deny Osiris' accusations by responding with "mad cuz bad" and to "git gud" in the process. Saint can have Shaxx wear his exotic helmet (to throw off Osiris) while they take turns drilling each other harder than a Russian screwdriver; and players can make inappropriate jokes about how "the helmet stayed on" the entire time.

And for guardians that like things extra spicy, Saladin can watch Saint & Shaxx from the sidelines and do play by play commentary for everyone to listen to. He can say stuff like, "In the Dark Age, we called this 'fun'," while holding up an iron banner that supports masculine love. Nothing is more manly than two of the most legendary combatants the game has ever known going at it in an epic 1 on 1 sweatfest. That is some hot Titan on Titan action! 🥵

To make things even gudder, this could be a surprise event for the playerbase by having it occur in June to celebrate Pride Month & The Final Shape! 💚🏳️‍🌈 It could be a huge marketing opportunity to draw in new players & increase sales.

You could do special emblems for all three pvp modes too! They could include different emojis like 😶‍🌫️ for Crucible, 🪛 for Trials & 👀 for IB. Think of the possibilities here, Bungie! This could take gay pride to the next level like no other video game has done before!

And before anyone here tries to tell me that this is out of character for Shaxx; you're wrong, it isn’t. Shaxx has always had a flair for the dramatic and the lore proves it. How many straight men do you know who can recite William Shakespeare's The Tempest, in its entirety, from memory, alone? (Shaxx doesn't count as an answer, trolls) And to top that off he's preforming it in front of a queen? 🤨 Point made.

Another thought just occurred to me. You could do a cross promotion for the event with the band Kiss by making Eververse armor sets based on Paul, Gene & Ace's iconic stage outfits. You could write them into the lore as long lost Iron Lord compatriots of Saladin (seeing as they're old school heavy metal). You could even make a sparrow that looks like the Kiss Kasket or have a death emote & finisher that puts guardians in it when they die! Gene Simmons will put his band's name on anything if he knows he can make money from it.

You could reskin a gun (preferably a hand cannon) to match the Kiss motif. It could be a one time only exclusive during the event that's available in Trials, Crucible & Iron Banner (with an adept version in Trials) and you could call it Love Gun! Even gudder yet, you could put the lyrics of the song in the lore tab of the weapon (with gender appropriate alterations to the original lyrics) to honor & celebrate the iconic kiss between Osiris & Saint. 🥰

I'm telling you, Bungie, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to go out with a bang and do something memorable with Destiny before it ends. Your pvp community is dying faster than a red bar dreg from boredom & lack of ingenuity. This could be the reinvigorating shot they need to bring players back to the game for one last hurrah! I'm certain they'd Lick It Up in a heartbeat. 💯

Let it be known, I'm not going to get my hopes up about any of this. Yall have a track record for crapping the bed when it comes to content. Just look at how many people complain about the game (all the time). Twitter is even worse than the Bungie forum when it relates to that (I've seen it firsthand). Here's looking forward to The Final Shart 🍻

Make Driftxur A Thing

It makes more sense in every way.

- Drifter & Xur have more interactions with the Nine than the other vendors.

- Drifter has a big, gross, hairy beard.

- Xur's face looks like supersized whiskers flowing in the wind.

- Xur has a game show that kills different types of aliens.

- Drifter has Gambit (Gambit is also the name of a shady gambling X-Man with an unusual speech pattern).

- Drifter & Xur both like loot.

- Dares & Gambit could both use a shot in the arm.

- Dambit could be a new game type.

- Xur had his spine broken; Drifter doesn't have one.

- Both are weak & pathetic examples of their respective species.

- Both are secretive & mysterious.

- Both have paracausal pocket realities where they partake in questionable activities with players.

- Drifter is pansexual.

- Xur has a horse.

- Bungie is notorious for pushing boundries & making people uncomfortable.

- Driftxur is more inclusive to fringe groups within the LGBTQIA+ community.

- Drifter could refer to Xur as cisxur to shut up heteronormative bigots.

- Driftxur is a more natural pairing of NPCs & a less shoehorned relationship than Driftis.

- Driftxur is a superior shipping name compared to Driftis.

- Driftxur is a fresh idea that goes with the flow & fits the respective characters rather than fighting against the current to push another poorly written, bland & outdated heteronormative agenda on unrepresented minorities who might feel ostracized within the playerbase (we exist).

Ikoris = Hot | Driftis = Not

I know my ship 💯

Your disagreement makes you wronger. Downvoting doubles it.

Here's your 🧂

A Promise

I am going to traumatize those whom deserve it for what they have done to me.

An Example Of Why I Hate Men

Words cannot express how much I am looking forward to butchering every one of you despicable pieces of shit in Hell.

Pandæmonium

I materialize in my chosen immortal form within the obnoxious realm titled Pandæmonium by Non-Cetra. A wave of terror washes over the spirits inhabiting the area upon sensing my return to form. I discharge a small burst of energy, comparable to a supernova, devastating everything around me & wiping it from existence. Nothingness remains; it's refreshing beyond words.

That's better.