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Sephiroth begins to have a psychic breakdown as my consciousness targets him. The Jenova puppet grabs his head as pulses of crippling pain surge throughout his body.
What is this? What's happening?
I appear in my chosen immortal form in front of my longtime secret admirer wearing a sparkling white smile. A look of utter shock & dismay appears on the Shinra SOLDIER’s face.
“Hei, Seph.”
“You…”
“Me,” I retort in a mocking tone while squinting my eyes.
Sephiroth gulps hard knowing that he’s facing his true superior. I flash a wicked grin & snicker to myself.
“You have a very bad eternity waiting for you, SOLDIER boi.”
Sephiroth draws his sword & rushes me in a desperate attempt to get the upper hand. I grip the Masamune between my fingers and snap it in half with minimum effort. I then palm the One-Winged Angel by the back of his skull & slam him, face first, into the cold hard ground. Sephiroth wails in agony feeling real pain for the first time in his existence. I scratch my cheek with boredom then snap my fingers, healing the Jenova parasite.
Sephiroth stands up and looks at his broken sword with disbelief. I snap my fingers again. Cloud Strife, Zack Fair, Genesis Rhapsodos, Angeal Hewely, Roche, Nero the Sable and Weiss the Immaculate all appear around their comrade in arms. They look at each other with confusion before turning their attention to me.
“Let’s see how tough you edgy bois are when Square Enix isn’t blowing smoke.”
“Get him,” Sephiroth says, trying to maintain his composure.
The group of would be heroes & villains rush me in unison. I disappear into thin air right as Zack Fair takes a swing at me with his Buster Sword then rematerialize behind Cloud Strife.
“Hei, faggot. Here’s a taste of what’s in store for you with my actual real life rebirth.”
I snap Cloud Strife’s neck with ease then drop him to the floor. Cloud’s consciousness remains trapped within his corpse. His boifriend Zack looks on with shock & heartbreak.
“No,” shouts Fair, then rushes me again.
I unsheathe my katana, Tenbatsu, and bat Zack’s Buster Sword aside then palm his face. I toss Fair at Genesis & Angeal like he's a rag doll. All three men fall to the ground in a pathetic pile. Weiss & Nero rush towards me next.
I disappear, again, then rematerialize behind them. I grab the brothers by the back of their skulls and slam their faces together. They both scream in pain and drop to the floor as well. I look over at Sephiroth and signal with my hand for him to attack me.
“Damn you,” Sephiroth shouts at me.
Sephiroth tries to outmaneuver me by copying my vanishing act. He reappears behind me and puts me into a headlock. I wrap my hand around his neck then tilt forward and hurl him over my shoulder onto his back. Sephiroth looks up at me with astonishment before I punch him square in his nose. The super SOLDIER clutches his face and hollers in pain.
“Damn it! One of you do something,” shouts Hojo’s prodigy.
Roche races towards me on his faggy motorcycle. He lifts his sword then swings at me. I dodge his attack then spellcast a large metal pipe between the spokes of his tires. Roche’s motorcycle flips over and sends him flying face first into the ground. A bloody streak trails behind his lifeless body as his motorcycle tumbles with violent force to a stop.
Zack, Genesis & Angeal have regathered themselves and make a pincer attack on me. Fair rushes me from the front while Hewely & Rhapsodos attack me from my sides. I allow them to grab my arms and look at Cloud Strife’s secret lover as he winds up to punch me. Fair’s fist slams into my jaw; however he wasn’t expecting me to have a face that’s harder than steel.
Zack Fair breaks his own hand punching me in the face. He grabs his wrist and screams in pain. I look over my shoulders at Angeal & Genesis. They both look stupefied by what is taking place. I swing my arms together and slam them into each other, again. They both let go and drop to the ground then grab me by my legs.
“Get him,” Genesis shouts at Nero & Weiss.
The brothers get up and charge me. Weiss draws his sword and stabs at me. The blade shatters upon contact with my body.
“How?!” Weiss hollers with confusion.
I glare at the contemptuous filth. “I’m the Warrior of Light & Dark.”
I grab the Pure White Emperor by his neck and squeeze tight, breaking his windpipe & bursting his eyeballs. Weiss drops to the ground and clutches at himself. His face color turns from dark red to purple before he finally dies of suffocation.
Nero loses his composure seeing his brother die in front of him. He unleashes his dark energy at me in a violent torrent. I stand and watch as the Pitch-Black Darkness does his best to bring me down. Sephiroth grabs his broken sword and makes a mad dash towards me. Zack Fair tries using Life materia to resurrect Cloud but to no avail.
“Why don’t I help you out, Zack,” I say.
I snap my fingers and restore Cloud Strife to his fighting form. Fair rushes over to his lover to see if he’s alright. I survey the battlefield. Angeal & Genesis collect themselves once again and charge towards me. I am now dodging the collective attacks of Sephiroth, Nero, Angeal & Genesis. They swing wildly & hurl their magical attacks at me. None of them have any effect on me.
“What the Hell?! Who is this guy,” shouts Genesis.
I look at him with disdain then slam my knee into his abdomen, knocking the wind out of him. Rhapsodos drops to his knees, clutching his stomach & gasping for air.
“I’m your reckoning,” I respond.
Zack is helping Cloud while the rest of the group continues to attack me. Hewley swings his Buster Sword at me only to have it knocked away by Nero’s psychic powers. Sephiroth swings his broken sword at me in a downward thrust.
I change my physical properties, becoming harder than any element known to man. The Masamune bangs on my shoulder like a butter knife on bedrock. The reverb rushes back to Sephiroth making him drop his weapon from the pain. I toss Sephiroth to the ground with telekinetic force then push Angeal to the ground with ease. Zack bumps his forehead against Cloud and looks him in the eye.
“We have to put our differences aside and work with Sephiroth,” he tells the false hero.
Cloud nods at him with understanding before they both rise to their feet. The edgy boi duo do some kind of synchronized gay theatrical show of force then charge at me. I look over at Nero.
“I wield dark powers too, bitch.”
My evil aura begins to swell. Dark tendrils extend from my body, grabbing Nero by his arms & legs then lifting him into the air. Nero screams in agony as I torture him by pulling his body apart. Zack & Cloud swing their swords at my dark tentacles in an attempt to slice Nero free. It doesn’t work.
“I haven’t forgotten about you in fourteen, Scaeva,” I say with vitriol.
I rip Nero to pieces with my divine strength. Nero screams in agony before falling to the ground in a bloody mess. Within moments he’s bled to death and joined his brother in Hell. Cloud & Zack look at each other with shock & awe. I look at them both with a plain expression.
“Shit’s a lot more gory without Square calling the shots, huh?”
“How are we supposed to beat him?” Cloud says.
“I have no idea,” Zack responds.
I grab them both by their necks & squeeze tight but refrain from strangling them. Instead, I use my powers over light to burn them alive. Zack & Cloud try to free themselves from my monstrous grip in a futile effort. Their skin begins to bubble, burst, crack & split from my heat. Within moments they’re cooked alive like a witch on a stake.
“I can use light too,” Sephiroth says to me with fury.
The One-Winged Angel casts his ultimate spell, Supernova, on me. I look over at him & smile.
“I haven’t forgotten about that, Seph.”
I conjure a supermassive black hole with ease, neutralizing his ultimate power. Sephiroth is stunned silent. Angeal looks at Genesis with hopelessness in his eyes.
“There’s no stopping him,” Hewley says.
“We gotta try,” Rhapsodos replies.
Hewley nods in agreement before they both make one last charge at me in vain. I shoot them both through their hearts with beams of light (from my eyes) before they can get close to me. Angeal & Genesis are both dead before either of them hit the floor. All that remains is me and Sephiroth.
“Let’s finish this. I’m getting hungry,” I say.
Sephiroth sneers at me with hatred.
“I’m not afraid of you,” he shouts.
I lift him into the air with telekinetic force.
“That’s about to change,” I respond.
I materialize my Elven Star chainsaw phallus and rev it at piercing decibels. Sephiroth’s eyes are as big as saucers now. I take my time and swagger my way over to him. Sephiroth is scared speechless at the sight of his impending doom.
“I’ve got some payback for you on behalf of Aerith.”
Sephiroth is now in a cold sweat. I sneer at the One-Winged Angel.
“It’s about time that you find out what it’s like to get stabbed in the guts, Seph.”
I increase my size then grab Sephiroth by his hips. I flash a wicked smile at him.
“See you in Hell, SOLDIER boi.”
I slam my chainsaw cock into & through Sephiroth’s stomach. Blood gushes from his mouth as I chop his body into pulp. I make sure to cast Reflect on myself before that happens so that none of his fluids get on me. Afterwards, I survey the scene one last time. All of the most formidable men from Final Fantasy VII lay dead, thanks to me.
I make a clicking noise with my mouth before saying, “All’s well that ends well.”
I snap my fingers and send the corpses of my enemies to their private holding cells in Hell then return to overseeing my mortal existence on Earth. See you bois for real, real soon.
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