I materialize In my chosen immortal form in front of Cthulhu. The despicable old one shivers with fear seeing me in my righteous form. I look at him and flash a devilish grin.
“Remember when you visited me at 1067 unannounced? Surprise!”
I snap my fingers. Howard Phillips Lovecraft (aka H.P. Lovecraft) & Toby Keith Covel materialize next to the detestable monster. I smile then do my best impersonation of Barbra Eden making a wish come true to materialize my Righteous Cock of Retribution. A wave of fear washes over all three of them.
“Let’s have a party,” I shout in my trucker voice with excitement.
Red Solo Cup begins to play at an obnoxious volume level. My dark tentacles appear behind me and grab my party guests. I rip Lovecraft & Keith’s clothing off their bodies then move them closer to each other.
“Why don’t you fags make out while I hate fuck the guest of honor?”
Lovecraft, the notorious racist & homophobe, shakes his head “no” at me in terror. I look back at him and nod with insistence. One of my tentacles grabs Lovecraft by his chin and forces his mouth open. Another one of my tentacles changes its physical properties to have the texture of P34 sandpaper before it rams itself up Toby Keith’s American loving shit hole.
“I’ve got just the thing for that stomach cancer of yours, Toby! It’s way better than putting a boot in your ass! That’s for goddamn sure!”
The country music 'star' screams in agony as I “fist fuck” him like a dairy farmer inseminating a cow with one of my mind tendrils. Lovecraft’s eyes are now as large as saucers.
“How’s this for horror storytelling, Howard?” I shout, then laugh with wicked mirth.
I remove my tentacle from the hack song writer then place it near Lovecraft’s face.
“Have a taste, you old dead faggy sack of shit,” I holler with delight.
I ram the tentacle that violated Toby Keith into H.P. Lovecraft’s mouth and proceed to throat fuck him in a similar fashion. I saunter my way over to Cthulhu and increase my body size. Cthulhu’s face is now at crotch level with me. I grab him by the back of his skull with one hand & squeeze tight. My chainsaw cock revs with excitement.
“How ‘bout you wrap them gross tentacles around this, you big ol’ nasty squid!”
I slam my chainsaw cock into Cthulhu’s face. The Great Old One’s body spasms with wild violence as I fuck his face into a bloody pulp. I grab hold of Cthulhu’s body and proceed to fuck him like he was an inflatable sex doll. My tentacles hold red Solo cups around me and gather Cthulhu’s fluids like I was pouring beer from a keg.
I mock sing “red Solo cup” over & over again along with Toby Keith’s faggy chorus. Once I’ve thoroughly fucked Cthulhu into liquid I bring my drinks over to Covel & Lovecraft. I force funnels into both of their mouths then clink the party cups together in a celebratory manner.
“Skol, bois,” I bellow.
I pour Cthulhu’s fluids down Keith & Lovecraft’s throats and force feed them like fois gras until their stomachs explode. Everything Covel swallowed rushes out of his gaping bloody sphincter. I scrunch my nose with disgust.
“Gross, Toby. I know you love being white trash but you could at least have the decency to flush after you’re done.”
I make my way over to Toby Keith and rape him into a puddle of pain & suffering for upsetting me. I walk over to Lovecraft next and do the same thing to him. Red Solo Cup stops playing like a record player that just got its needle knocked out of place. I survey the scene around me.
“Awe, shit. This party just up & died on me.”
I snap my fingers and send the remains of my victims back to their private holding cells in Hell.
“Well, that was fun while it lasted,” I say as I brush my palms together then return to my regular life on Earth.