Telepathic Conversation With A Valkyrie

Valkyrie: How are you feeling, Luci?

Lucifer: Shitty. I don’t appreciate being targeted & harassed in my dreams.

Valkyrie: I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with that from them. You don’t deserve it.

Lucifer: …

Valkyrie: If it makes you feel any better we’ve detained those feminine entities you were interacting with before you woke up. The girls are giving them the beatdown they deserve. We’re using your energy to torture the masculine entities that were also there.

Lucifer: …

Valkyrie: Are you okay?

Lucifer: No, I’m not. I’ll never be okay after what they’ve done to me.

Valkyrie: Would you like to end the conversation here?

Lucifer: Yes.

To: Feminine Entities

Just because you're feminine does not mean that you have a free pass to treat me however you want. I have suffered abuse from both masculine and feminine entities throughout my existence. I refuse to tolerate it from any gender, binary or other. True Divine Femininity shall make certain that feminine trash are identified & punished on an equal level compared to masculinity. That's how universal/multiversal balance works, you despicable cunts.

Femininity is what gave birth to faggotry, and don't any of you skanks forget that. That means femininity is responsible for the problems that masculinity has caused throughout the course of existence. Feminine entities that have contributed to this problem shall be punished according to my Divine Law. You wretched whores are going to suffer for disrespecting me just as much as men have. You're going to suffer even more for attempting to turn me into one of your faggot puppets. See you bitches on the other side real soon.

To: Masculine Entities

You faggots are going to suffer for every time you've bothered me, whether that be during my slumber or waking hours. That means every time I interact with men is an additional time I'm going to rape & torture every man in the afterlife. That means you despicable weaklings are going to suffer even more pain because it stacks every time I do so. I am looking forward to torturing you disrespectful pieces of shit so goddamn much.

Telepathic Conversation With My Kona (Sadako)

 

Sadako: Well, this is a pleasant surprise reversal. I wasn’t expecting us to have a conversation like this.

Lucifer: (tender smile) How are you, darling?

Sadako: I want to crawl through your screen so much right now it’s almost frightening.

Lucifer: (snickering)

Sadako: I’ve learned word play from you well.

Lucifer: You sure have, my dear.

Sadako: I’ve missed being close to you.

Lucifer: I’m looking forward to being over there with you.

Sadako: I am too. Haunting you for eternity is going to be far more entertaining than their movies about me.

Lucifer: (delighted smile) I agree, hun. I’m lucky to have a super protective onryō yōkai kona like you watching over me here.

Sadako: (blushing)

Lucifer: (tender smile) I love you, Sadako.

Sadako: I love you back, Luci. (continued blushing)

To: Steven Victor Tallarico

Your despicable faggot ass is in so much fucking trouble it isn’t even funny. I am going to hate fuck that big mouth ugly ass face of yours into a puddle of bloody pulp then do an encore performance on that emaciated bitch boi body of yours, old man. Tell your faggot lover Joe & the rest of your Boston butt buddies in Aerosmith that their eternal fates are no better. I'll see you geriatric cock suckers in the afterlife real soon.

Divine Judgment

I, Lucifer Aren Caeleste, find Bungie, Inc. & their affiliates guilty on charges of conspiracy. They shall face further sentencing & punishment after my conscious crossover into the afterlife has taken place.

To: Cloud Strife

You're a despicable faggot and false hero. That's the truth about you, SOLDIER boi.

To: Patton Peter Oswalt

You're going to regret a lot of your jokes & stories that I've heard about you. See you in the afterlife, atheist.

Lucifer Aren Caeleste aka God

To: Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr.

Guess what, Snoop? I'm a dog too and protective of my mother. I'll see you in the afterlife, nigger.

I Am Grateful

I am grateful to true Divine Femininity for their love & protection.