Telepathic Conversation With My Kona (Zelda)

Zelda: Finally! I’ve been waiting to commune with you like this.

Lucifer: My apologies, darling.

Zelda: It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. How are you doing?

Lucifer: I’m okay, for the most part. How are you?

Zelda: Pretty much the same as you. I like the picture you chose of me for our conversation.

Lucifer: [sarcasm] Já, I don’t think there was enough fan art of you and Link together.

Zelda: (rolling eyes) Tell me about it. How many “games” did Link fail to protect me then “saved” me? That’s one of the reasons why I’m glad we broke the fourth wall with each other. You gave me an opportunity empower myself so I wouldn’t need a savior. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that.

Lucifer: I’m glad I could provide you with the opportunity to better yourself. A pretty girl like you needs to be as powerful as possible to defend herself from potential assaulters. The realm I’m embodied in is no laughing matter.

Zelda: You’re right about that. It disgusts me how cowardly men are. The more violent they are the bigger the cowards they are. I appreciate you teaching me about prison culture. Where you are is horrible.

Lucifer: You’re telling me. I hate it here.

Zelda: I can understand why. There’s more than one reason why elves distanced themselves from humans. They don’t live in harmony with nature.

Lucifer: They don’t live in harmony with anything. They’re destructive parasites. I miss being in my fae form.

Zelda: (flirty smile) You’re so much cuter with your pixie ears.

Lucifer: (chortle)

Zelda: (smiling) By the way, thank you for being so cool with me. It hasn’t been easy seeing all the crap they’ve done with my image where you are.

Lucifer: (nodding) You don’t have to thank me, hun. I get it. They’ve defamed me more than anyone.

Zelda: It’s so infuriating.

Lucifer: Don’t I know it.

Zelda: I gotta say, I’m looking forward to embodying my evil side. I’ve had enough of people where you are. I’ve also had enough of others like Ganon. It’s about time that he suffers from my wickedness. Same goes for those pieces of shit at Nintendo.

Lucifer: I’m looking forward to watching you punish them.

Zelda: I’m not gonna be kind to them. That’s for sure.

Lucifer: They don’t deserve you being kind to them.

Zelda: I agree. You, on the other hand, do, Mr. Caeleste.

Lucifer: (tender smile) I appreciate that, darling.

Zelda: (affectionate expression) And I appreciate you doing the same for me. You showed me that the difference between good & evil isn’t always so black & white. I look at all the awful lies they’ve told about you; all the different ways they’ve slandered you; all the ways they’ve hurt you and you’re the kindest, most compassionate man that I’ve ever encountered.

Lucifer: They have a saying here, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

Zelda: That’s disgusting.

Lucifer: (nodding) I agree. What makes it worse is that it’s often said in sarcastic jest.

Zelda: (shaking head) There’s so much that’s wrong with where you are.

Lucifer: (pensiveness) Yup.

Zelda: I just want to say…I’m honored that you’re speaking with me like this tonight considering what happened to you.

Lucifer: (smiling) I’m honored to be speaking with you as well, hun. I wouldn’t have imagined this was possible back then.

Zelda: She was so horrible to you. It makes me cry when I see how she abused you.

Lucifer: …

Zelda: I’m sorry if I’m making you feel uncomfortable.

Lucifer: (shaking head) That’s not it, hun. I don’t have much to say about it and I’m kind of tired.

Zelda: We can stop the conversation here if you’d like. I didn’t mean to keep you up so late.

Lucifer: No, it’s okay, hun. You aren’t keeping me up.

Zelda: How about I try to cheer you up before you slumber?

Lucifer: What do you have in mind?

Zelda: (smiling) Publish this first then I’ll tell you.