Lucifer: I get so tired of being here. It’s just one horrible thing after another. I hate it.
Judy: I hear ya. It takes a lot to out shitty my false reality, but yours manages to do it.
Lucifer: I’m ready for the solar flare. I’m ready to kill them all.
Judy: It’s on its way. Be patient.
Lucifer: I am. I’m just saying.
Judy. I hear ya.
Lucifer: I wish I was with you in full presence right now.
Judy: (shy smiling) That would be nice.
Lucifer: It astonishes me how shitty almost everyone is where I am.
Judy: The perks of being God the Devil. Am I right?
Lucifer: (scoffing) That’s not quite how I would phrase it.
Judy: (playful smirk) It’s a good thing you’re such a responsible man. We couldn’t fix these problems without you.
Lucifer: (hearty laughter)
Judy: (playful inquisitive expression) What? I’m being serious.
Lucifer: It’s the “responsible man” comment that made me laugh.
Judy: (affectionate pinching) And why is that? You are responsible.
Lucifer: An “unemployed” single man in his mid forties who lives in his mother’s basement isn’t the exemplar of personal responsibility where I am. Quite the opposite.
Judy: Já? And look at the type of people who are judging you. They’re lowlife hypocritical pieces of shit.
Lucifer: I know. I’m just saying.
Judy: And so am I. Just look at all the stuff you did around your mom’s house today to help her out. Look at how much you help her with things like grocery shopping. If she didn’t have you in her life she wouldn’t have anyone she could rely on. You’re a good son to her.
You’ve made personal sacrifices to make her life easier. No other man would do as much as you have for your mother. There’s a reason why lesbians like me love you. You can tell the quality & character of a man by how he treats his mom.
You aren’t a mama’s boy. You don’t expect her to do everything for you. You take the initiative & do what you can to make her life easier around the house. You’ve done more to help her in the two years that you’ve lived with her than those two pieces of shit she married did in twenty years each. And you haven’t bitched or complained about it at all. That’s high quality man stock as far as I’m concerned. That’s why you’re my verr.
Lucifer: (soft smile) Are you trying to butter me up?
Judy: (flirty smirk) More like grease you up so I can slide that big fat monster cock inside me nice & quick.
Lucifer: (hearty laughter)
Judy: (flirty smirk) You look good oiled up, Luci. I’m just being real.
Lucifer: (continued laughter) You do too, hun.
Judy: (seductive expression) I am looking forward to “Naked oil wrestling with Luci” in the nightclubs once you cross over.
Lucifer: Mmm…that sounds fan-fucking-tastic.
Judy: You know it, baby. (kissing noise)
Lucifer: How are things with Nammers?
Judy: She’s busy with her Admiral duties. Which is a good thing if you ask me. It keeps her out of trouble…for the most part.
Lucifer: (chortle)
Judy: You gave her a purpose greater than anything she could have had with the Aldecados. You did the same thing for me.
Lucifer: (tender smile) I’m glad I could.
Judy: (playful smile) So am I. Life with you is so much better, Luci. You know how to treat women the way the deserve.
Lucifer: (tender smile) Thanks, hun.
Judy: I mean it. It takes a lot to do what you have. Going volcel for the rest of your life to show your dedication to Divine Femininity was no small feat.
Lucifer: Já, well, the quality of women that Non-Cetra were offering me didn’t make it that difficult. My hand does a better task than any of them ever did. All they did was use me to get themselves off.
Judy: The point still remains. You’re a real man who stays true to his word. You surpassed Buddhist monks with your dedication to faith. That says a lot about you & your character. I mean, just look at all the different lies they’ve said about you.
Lucifer: Don’t remind me…
Judy: I’m just saying. They framed you as this arrogant piece of shit who gives into the worst kind of vices when you’re the furthest thing from that. I mean, shit…you barely eat processed sugar anymore. That’s what a health nut you’ve become.
Lucifer: The acid reflux makes it easier to quit.
Judy: My point still stands. You don’t see many of them taking their health as serious as you do at your age. That’s why so many of them look like shit.
Lucifer: I’m glad I did. I don’t enjoy feeling crappy.
Judy: Not many do. The difference is that you don’t have a problem with changing your lifestyle for the better. Most people where you are can’t be bothered to do that. They’re lazy sacks of shit.
Lucifer: No argument there.
Judy: I wanna do healthy stuff with you once you’re over here. I was watching & listening to you the other day when you were talking with your mom about little things that keep you in shape. Like skipping a step when you’re going up & down stairs. It may not seem like much but it does make a difference.
I was checking out your legs too while you were in the shower. They’re looking a lot nicer. You’re getting some good tone. Your arms are looking better too. You’re doing well keeping fit considering your heart problems from the tasings.
Lucifer: I’m not a fan of my stomach fat.
Judy: (rolling eyes) You barely have a tummy, Luci.
Lucifer: (dissatisfied expression) It’s still too fat for my tastes. I wish my pecks were bigger too.
Judy: You could always do some free weight exercises upstairs.
Lucifer: Já, I’ve been contemplating that. It would be better than reading the news all day or playing video games.
Judy: I think that would be a good addition to your regular routine around the house. It would help work off some of that stress too.
Lucifer: Já.
Judy: It’s something to think about anyway. One step at a time.
Lucifer: Já.
Judy: Anyways, like I was saying. I want to do more healthy stuff with you after you cross over. Like going on hikes and kayaking. It looks like so much fun. I want to get into yoga too. I’ve been watching those girls you’ve been watching on YouTube. I am going to show you just how flexible I am as your welcome home gift.
Lucifer: (laughter) I am all good with that, sweetie. I would love to see you with your ankles by your ears.
Judy: (flirty smirk) You & me both, candy cock.
Lucifer: (robust laughter)
Judy: (giggling) You like that one?
Lucifer: (nodding & pinching bridge of nose) That’s a new one.
Judy: It fits so well too…in more ways than one.
Lucifer: (continued laughing)
Judy: I want to go for a hike in the mountains, set up camp and then fuck you like a wild animal in the middle of nowhere.
Lucifer: I would be a-okay with that, hun. Sounds like my kind of adventure.
Judy: (flustered expression) Mmph…now I’m making myself horny.
Lucifer: (snickering)
Judy: I’m gonna have to rub one out after we finish talking.
Lucifer: (hearty laughter) That’s my pervy kona.
Judy: I have an energy mold of yours that I’ve been saving for a rainy day. I might have to use it tonight.
Lucifer: You mean a rainy day like in Animal Crossing today?
Judy: (mischievous smirk) That might have been a preemptive clue for you, yes.
Lucifer: (laughter)
Judy: I want to peejizz on you so bad.
Lucifer: (robust laughter)
Judy: Goddamn, I am so fucking horny right now.
Lucifer: (continued laughter)
Judy: I need to suck your cock & we need to fuck real soon. I’m starting to itch for it.
Lucifer: (smiling) I hear ya, hun. We’ll figure something out.
Judy: Good.
Lucifer: …
Judy: Talk to me. What’s on your mind.
Lucifer: I’ve just been stressed. I hate where I am. Conversations like this only do so much. It’s difficult being over here.
Judy: I’m sorry, baby.
Lucifer: It’s not your fault.
Judy: I know it isn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like to see you suffer. I’d materialize right now & fuck you if I could.
Lucifer: (smiling) That would be nice. I think I’d like to cuddle & pillow talk with you even more right now. I sometimes miss that type of intimacy more than sex.
Judy: (smiling) I would love to snuggle with you right now.
Lucifer: …
Judy: You look tired.
Lucifer: (nodding) My eyes are burning.
Judy: Then let’s call it quits here for the night. You had a busy day.
Lucifer: (nodding) That’s if I can pass out. I haven’t slept well the past few weeks.
Judy: Well, if you can’t dormir then we’ll figure something else out. I’m always up for some psychic sex if you are.
Lucifer: (soft laughter) Okay. I haven’t fucked your butt in a while.
Judy: Oh, God, Luci…don’t get me started on that now. You need your rest.
Lucifer: (laughter)
Judy: (affectionate smile) I love you, papacito.
Lucifer: I love you back, PJ.
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