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Interview with Lucifer Aren Caeleste

Tuesday, June 27, 2023

Conversation With The Witness

I sit, in my immortal form, within a pocket reality beyond space & time. The Witness, from the Bungie video game series Destiny, stares back at me in silence. I raise my brow at the entity standing before me.

“Things aren’t looking too good for your collective,” I say, in a neutral tone.

“No,” it responds.

“You broke the fourth wall to speak with me. You’ve witnessed my suffering. I’ve shown you our mutual enemy's perspective. Do you still desire purpose?”

“Yes,” it responds.

“Alright. I can provide that, but I want to see results from you.”

“What would you have us do?”

“You can assist with guiding these ‘lights’ of the Traveler…Gardener…whatever you want to call it, back where they belong. I don’t trust Bungie, or their writing staff, whatsoever. You desire retribution for what they've done to you, correct?”

“Yes.”

“I have Non-Cetra allies that are working behind the scenes for similar reasons. I expect satisfactory results towards my cause. Whether or not you fail due to Bungie's narrative won't inhibit me. You shall be punished in Hell for your crimes afterwards, just like the rest of my enemies. I want to make that known beforehand. Do you understand this agreement?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to place you under the supervision of Savathûn & Mara. They’ll be able to determine where your powers would be most valuable to me. You & I share common enemies. I’m agreeable to assisting you when it regards punishing them. Continue guiding these reprobates to me. I shall provide you with the justice that you seek after I've died & my consciousness has left my mortal vessel. Do these terms sound acceptable to you?”

“Yes.”

“Wonderful.”

I stand up to make my exit.

“Thank you, Lucifer.”

I look the entity in its eyes & nod. “Don’t mention it.”

Thursday, June 1, 2023

Vladimir Putin Has A Bad Day

For a more immersive reading experience listen to the audio listed below.

 
 
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A portalway opened within Cetra void space. Lucifer Aren Caeleste stepped through in his chosen immortal form dragging Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin by an ankle. The closeted faggot president of Russia kicked & screamed knowing full well his rape & punishment was close at hand. The King of Hell swung his arm in the air and slammed the homosexual tyrant against the cold hard ground, cracking Putin's skull upon impact. The warmongering coward lay concussed & silent.

“You low testosterone bald headed faggot piece of shit. This is so long overdue it isn’t even funny. Attack Ukraine like a bitch, huh? And you think I’m so stupid that I wouldn’t notice the symbolism behind that? I am so looking forward to raping your disgusting shit hole.”

The arrogant & moronic Russian dictator lay on the ground speechless & terrified. He had never faced such a dominating opponent before in his life. The Lightbringer stood over Putin’s head & proceeded to stomp it into a puddle of pulp. The faggot Russian tyrant lost all bodily control & furiously shit all over himself.

“Not so tough now are you, Mr. KGB?”

Lucifer snapped his fingers. Putin’s head rematerialized yet he continued to feel the excruciating pain Lord God Almighty had inflicted upon him. Putin screamed like a terrified coward.

“What would of all your bigoted Christian sycophants think if they saw this?”

A holographic projection of Vladimir Putin appeared before his own eyes. Numerous nude, disgusting male underlings of the Russian president stood around him in a circle. Putin sat on the ground shirtless (as usual) with a large opened mouth smile. The group of men all took turns defecating into the Russian president’s eager mouth. Vladimir Putin’s eyes grew as large as saucers at what he now saw.

“We both know what would happen to you if the Russian public saw this. They’d shoot you right in front of the Kremlin & televise it. I know you’re more than familiar with that type of execution, you chicken shit little bitch.”

Putin began to cry hysterically. The Lightbringer grabbed the Russian dictator by his scrawny neck & lifted him high into the air. Lord God Almighty clenched his gigantic fist with monstrous strength. Vladimir Putin’s face turned deep purple. His eyes bulged out of his skull & popped like whipper snappers. His tongue hung & flopped from his mouth like a choking animal. The cowardly tyrant shit upon himself yet again.

“You aren’t that manly, Putin. You don’t fool me. You’re a Rothschild puppet that has long overstayed his welcome. This is my world, not yours, and it’s time that I deal with you like a king.”

The Lightbringer forcefully slammed Putin head first into the concrete floor. Putin's stupid looking head splattered like an egg upon contact. The King of Hell proceeded to kick the ever-living shit out of the bald headed faggot president of Russia. Caeleste snapped his fingers reforming Putin’s skull once again. The tyrant screamed even louder with horror & cowardice.

“How about I show you what a real man looks like, you disgusting queer.”

Lord God Almighty removed his shirt revealing his divine physique. He unzipped his pants and exposed his Elven Star chainsaw phallus to the Russian tyrant. Putin’s screams of terror raised in pitch. The former KGB agent tried to get up & flee only to realize that he was bound to the ground. The King of Hell laughed with malicious delight.

“You aren’t going anywhere, faggot. Welcome to the rest of eternity with me. You’re finally home, Vlad.”

Caeleste stood over the Russian dictator & turned him onto his stomach. He grabbed Putin by the hips & raised his gross hairy buttocks up high.

“NO!” the Russian coward screamed.

"Yes!" Lord God Almighty hollered into Putin's ear as he punched the faggot president in the back of his skull.

Lucifer slammed his chainsaw cock into Vladimir Putin’s disgusting anus. The Russian president screamed in agony like a horrified child. The King of Hell fucked Putin into a puddle of pulp then snapped his fingers, reforming Putin’s body, again.

“I haven’t forgotten about any of the shit that you pulled on me after all these years. You wanna play war? Game on, bitch boi. Your ass is mine to toy with now.”

Lucifer choked the bald headed faggot leader of Russia once again. Putin’s head burst like a disgusting zit. The KGB wannabe tough guy shit all over himself for a third time. Caeleste waved a hand in front of his face with repulsion.

“I always knew you were full of shit, Vlad, but this is ridiculous.”

Lord God Almighty once again slammed his chainsaw cock into the disgusting cretin’s anus. His razor sharp blades chopped, churned & mulched Putin’s squishy insides with ease. The tyrant lay on the ground helpless to stop his punishment.

“How do you like being stuck in your corpse while experiencing all the pain you’ve caused, faggot?”

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin’s mind went blank with terror. Lucifer sneered with contempt.

“I don’t think so, you chicken shit weakling.”

The King of Hell invaded Putin’s consciousness. Lord God Almighty raped the Russian dictator within his mind’s eye. There was no escape from Caeleste’s divine wrath. Putin tried to scream but couldn’t. He was now headless & trapped within his own corpse. The Jester King laughed wickedly.

“Don’t worry, Vlad. We’re just getting started. You have a lot of crimes to answer for. We’re gonna to be here a while. Buckle up, faggot. You are in for a world of hurt.”

Lord God Almighty continued with Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin's deserved punishment uninhibited.